Colonoscopy!!...it's not a trip to Disneyland, it's not a conversation topic for "date night" and it's not something you want to explain to a person that has no clue what it is! After your doctor has given you the cheerful words "You need a colonoscopy" you kind of "pucker up" in various places worrying about the "soon invasion" to your "southern border". As the "day" draws closer, a trip to the pharmacy is needed to purchase the necessary "blowout" material to "cleanse" you of your cheeseburgers and Fruit Loops. The directions tell you right up front that you'll probably die from starvation before the "procedure" is completed 2 days hence! Waking up the day before is alarming to the fact that you may NOT let any morsel of food pass through your lips, you are condemned to chicken broth and water, and of course...jello!! I made it through my radio program without too much difficulty, excluding the fact that during the news breaks I started licking and chewing my microphone! By about 3PM in the afternoon I started having hallucinations of being in a doughnut bakery and eating them into bankruptcy! Or my favorite was going through a drive-in with a semitruck and telling the pimply faced bespectacled teenager... "Filler-up with everything"!! Then...6PM...the hour of torture has arrived. You must fill a 16oz water glass with a vile disgusting liquid called Suprep (I had many other names for it!!) and drink all of it...I did. Five minutes, 10, 15, 20...30 minutes and, after a slight gurgling sound, I had the urge (and the power!) to run the 100 yard dash in 2.1 seconds! Holy Gallopin' ghosts from Hades...what's happening!! I'm on crutches and I swear that NO ONE, not the world's fastest human could have caught up to me in my frantic run for the porcelain! I screamed for the dog to move, she did not, so I vaulted over her like an Olympic Champion, rounded the corner and slammed the bathroom door..my crutches were RED HOT!! For the next three hours, I would rather have been interrogated and tortured by Ubangi warriors with bones in their noses trying to get me in their soup kettle, rather than what I was going through. Then, according to the directions that had to be written by a sadist from hell, I'm supposed to drink 2 more 16oz glasses of water before bedtime!!...it's gonna' be a LONG night! Finally a little sleep and when the rooster crowed, I remembered I must endure another 16oz of that Beelzebub's elixer! Oh please, no no, spare me this repulsive liquid...I drank it. If you thought last night was a "track meet" dear reader, this morning was the Olympic finals for the GOLD! I had no idea I could pivot, jump and dash this good for a 72 year old!! Now, on to the hospital, a hurried trip I must say, and meet the smiling faces that are about to really GET to know me...as a matter of fact...the old song by Julie Andrews was playing in the background..."Getting to know you, getting to know all about you"...very disconcerting. The doctor came in and gave me some words of encouragement with an evil smile and then...I zonked out! I don't remember anything about the "procedure" but all went well, up to the point when the "friendly" doctor said "See you in 5 years!" 5 years! 1,825 days. I can hardly wait!
Don't forget Dr-History.com! Exciting episodes of the old West!!
Now in 110 countries...110!! And not one of them
have said they're offended!
Our Pledge
of Allegiance:
I pledge Allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
and to the Republic for which it stands,
one nation under God, indivisible,
with Liberty and Justice for all.
Dear Lord: Please Bless and heal this land with your grace and power.
Help us to realize YOU are in charge as you were, as you are
now and like
you'll be in the future. Forgive us for "straying off the trail" of what's
right
and what's wrong and help us to appreciate what you've blessed us with,
the greatest Country in the world...America!
In Jesus Name.....Amen
Please Read Proverbs Chapter 27 vs. 7.
The way things were - are the way things ought to be!
(Copyright Zeb Bell)
Adios Buckaroos and Buckarettes!
God Bless and Fly the Flag!!
Zeb Bell
P. S. If you enjoy our Newsletter, be sure to forward a copy to your friends and
family. Don't forget to tune in to Zeb at the Ranch every Monday thru Thursday from
8 to 11 a.m. on KBAR Radio 1230 AM on the dial, or live on the internet at
www.zebbell.com
! Be sure to check out archives of the show on the website
or Zeb's
YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCg_Ef72F7DI33Qu9vyfbkpg.
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